Commissioner @metspolice announces new baseball rules

Sure, I’ll weigh in on new rules…

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Intentional Walks – automatic. Declare. Move on.

Designated Hitter – I surrender. Every other league has it. In

Strike Zone – I actually want to make it bigger.

Pitch Clock – 20 seconds or it’s a ball.

Defensive Shifts – Pitcher on the rubber, catcher in the traditional spot, other than that do whatever you want.

Post-season game times – again 79% of the population lives in East + Central.  Post-season games will start no later than 7:14pm Eastern.

Interleague Play – every four years like the Olympics we go nuts and everyone plays everyone.  The other years, nothing.

World Baseball Classic – during our Interleague Year, no All Star Game, we’ll play a tournament for two weeks in July.  Any player who declines to participate starts the second half on the 15 day DL.  Soccer players leave their clubs to play for the national team, you can too.

League Alignment – I’m tempted to go back to two divisions, also tempted to radically re-align (The Patrick-ishDivision: NYM NYY BOS PHI WAS BAL etc) but I will leave it alone.

Montreal Rays  – I’m done with Tampa. Montreal, show me a stadium and they’re yours.  The Yankees can play 15 home games in Tampa if they want.

All Star Game – 25 players. Everyone gets a representative.  Fans cannot be trusted, so the teams will be selected by my office.

World Series Home Field – best record.

Replay – banned, with increased Umpire Ratings. You blow calls, you lose the gig.

PEDs – one strike and you’re banned for three seasons.

Empty Seats Behind Home Plate – owners, I want fans on TV enjoying the game, not empty seats waiting for millionaires.  After the top of the 2nd you move some kids to the front row or you get a $50,000 fine.

Undershirts – all undershirts on a team must match

Caps – brim forward, slight curve

Sunday Night Baseball – expires at the end of this contract.

Saturday Day Games – of your 15 home Saturdays, 7 must be played at 1:10pm local time.