The Mets Police

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Winning does not follow Steve Cohen around.  Last night he was at the Knicks game and the Knicks were winning for most of the game….until the very end.  One could call it a collapse.

Friends,

I have been encouraged to issue a MENDOZA WATCH for the New York Mets.  This is stunning because usually we would start at a Mendoza Watch Watch (to see what the media is saying about a Mendoza Watch) or a Mendoza Watch Watch Watch (to see if the media had yet started writing about a Mendoza Watch)

With an off-day today and an 11 game losing streak, things COULD be dire.

The New York Post thinks people are going to pay to read: Carlos Mendoza is shouldering the blame for Mets’ ugly slide — but the biggest flops came above his pay grade.   People are not. We get the point.

NJ.com tells us: Mets players stand up for Carlos Mendoza amid dreadful stretch: ‘It’s not on him’   In that one we are told by Mendoza, ““I’m spending my energy to continue to manage, continue to lead, continue to coach, continue to support. That’s what I’m doing right now.”

Fan-booer Francisco Lindor adds, “He’s done a fantastic job. “This is not on him. He’s made sure everybody here is prepared, every coach here is prepared and we have the information. It comes down on us.”

The Athletic’s Will Sammon says, ““Somehow, Mendoza’s job status has morphed into a daily discussion when it shouldn’t be, based on observations from being around the team and an understanding of how the Mets operate,. He is in his third year as the Mets’ manager. Last year’s stench and the fact that he’s on the final guaranteed year of his contract make him an easy target for speculation.”

Former GM Jim Duqette thinks: “Do I think Carlos is on the hot seat right now? No. But if you get into a month from now or even less than a month from now, and you’re starting to see this team still play the way they are and still having the mental lapses and all of these struggles, I do think he’s going to be getting on the hot seat.”

Casino entrepreneur Steve Cohen has not tweeted since mentioning the Green Shoots.

 

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

JERRY is on the couch, casually flipping through channels. ELAINE sits at the table eating cereal straight from the box.

The door BURSTS open. STEVE storms in, wearing a Mets cap, disheveled, pacing like a man who hasn’t slept in days.

STEVE: Ten games. TEN. Do you know how hard it is to lose ten games in a row?

JERRY: Apparently… not that hard.

STEVE: You need pitching collapses, bullpen disasters, bad chemistry, injuries… it’s a symphony of failure.

ELAINE: Maybe the Mets are just bad.

STEVE: Even bad teams win by accident! You trip into a win! A bloop hit, somebody forgets how to catch…something!

ELAINE: you left out getting rid of all the players the fans liked.

JERRY: Are you saying the Mets are too good… to be this bad?

STEVE: Exactly!

KRAMER slides in.

KRAMER: Oh, it’s historic, Jerry. HISTORIC.

JERRY:  Yeah nice game by Brunson!

KRAMER:  No, not the Knicks. The Mets. The losing streak.

JERRY: You’re excited about the losing streak?

KRAMER: This is legacy stuff! You don’t get ten in a row every day. People remember streaks!

ELAINE: Yeah, winning streaks.

KRAMER: No, no—losing streaks too! Infamy! This is how you get documentaries.

STEVE (pointing): I don’t want a documentary!

KRAMER: Oh, you’re getting one. Dark music… slow zoom on your face…  Steve Gelbs asking “How did it all go so wrong?”

STEVE collapses onto the couch.

STEVE: All I wanted… was respect.

JERRY: You could’ve signed Yamamoto.

ELAINE: Or Ohtani.

NEWMAN (entering, already eating something): Or kept Nimmo.

KRAMER: Or re-signed Alonso.

STEVE (exploding): OH, I KNOW THE NAMES!

Beat.

ELAINE: So what’s the plan?

STEVE: The plan is… you build something sustainable.

JERRY: Sustainable losing?  You’ve nailed that.

STEVE: No! Sustainable winning!

NEWMAN: You know what this is? This is karma.

ELAINE: What was that thing about the green shoots? I didn’t get that

STEVE: You know… shoots.

ELAINE: Shoots?

STEVE: Yeah. Green shoots. That’s what I’m seeing.

ELAINE: You’ve lost ten in a row.

STEVE: But I’m seeing progress! A hit here… a walk there…

KRAMER: And then BOOM—Cubs three-run homer.

Kramer mimes a bat swing.

KRAMER: Opponent rounds the bases, and the crowd goes nuts.

NEWMAN: These aren’t green shoots… these are weeds.

STEVE: They are NOT weeds!

ELAINE: You’re getting outscored by a lot.

STEVE (doubling down): Look, baseball is about patience.

KRAMER: So is gardening… but eventually you gotta admit the plant’s dead.

JERRY: It’s decomposing.

STEVE (frustrated): You people don’t see what I see!

ELAINE: What do you see?

STEVE (gesturing wildly): A hit here! A walk there!

Beat.

JERRY: And then?

KRAMER: CRACK!

Kramer points like a ball flying out of the park.

KRAMER: Three-run homer.  Cubs win.

STEVE sinks into the couch.

STEVE: I had such hope for the shoots…

KRAMER (patting him): You gotta stop talking about the shoots.

ELAINE: No more shoots.

JERRY: Nobody believes in the shoots.

KRAMER: Yeah, you’re pushing too hard. Baseball likes a slow seduction.

NEWMAN (nodding): A courtship.

STEVE: I’m not courting baseball!

JERRY: Well, right now baseball has a restraining order.

Beat.

STEVE buries his face in his hands.

STEVE: Ten games…

KRAMER (suddenly inspired): You lean into it.

STEVE: Lean into it?

KRAMER: Oh yeah! Promotions! “Come see history!” Free hats if they lose eleven!

ELAINE: People love a spectacle.

JERRY: It’s like a car crash—you can’t look away.

STEVE (thinking): Free hats…

NEWMAN: I’d go for a hat.

STEVE: Eleven losses… free hats…

NEWMAN: and no fees.

STEVE (thinking):  no fees…

He slowly looks up, intrigued despite himself.

STEVE: You think people would come?

JERRY: Oh, they’d pack the place.

ELAINE: Nobody wants to miss rock bottom.

KRAMER: And if you win—

JERRY: I wouldn’t worry too much about that.

STEVE stands, energized.

STEVE: I gotta call marketing.

He rushes out.

Silence.

ELAINE: He’s gonna turn a losing streak into a giveaway.

JERRY: That’s when you know it’s bad… when failure has a sponsor.

NEWMAN: I still want the hat.

KRAMER: Oh, I’m getting two.

JERRY (shrugs): I’ll wait for them to lose twelve.

FADE OUT.

INT. METS BOARDROOM – DAY

A long table. STEVE at the head, exhausted. DAVID has a laptop open with charts. LAUREN from communications sits upright with a notebook. CHAD the social media intern is already on his phone. MR. MET just stares, smiling.

STEVE: I can’t take it anymore. Everywhere I go they’re laughing at me.

CHAD: That’s actually really good for engagement, Mister Steve.

STEVE: I don’t want engagement, I want respect!

LAUREN: Respect is a perception metric. We can absolutely reposition…

STEVE: I don’t want to reposition! I want to win!

DAVID: Well… we had a win-adjacent outcome last night.

STEVE: a win-adjacent outcome?

DAVID: Benge got a hit.

Beat.

STEVE: …So?

DAVID: It’s significant.

STEVE: One hit is significant?

DAVID: When you contextualize it against his previous at-bats, it represents a 300 percent increase in positive offensive output.

STEVE: He went from zero to one!

DAVID: Exactly.

LAUREN: There’s a story there.

STEVE: There’s no story!

LAUREN: There’s always a story. This is about perseverance. Growth. A journey.

STEVE: A journey to first base?

CHAD (excited): Oh I love this. Underdog arc. We lean into it. Real gritty. Real internet.

STEVE: No internet!

CHAD: What if we tweet it like it’s a moment. Like… “You witnessed history tonight.”

STEVE: History?!

DAVID: Technically, it is his first hit of the road trip.

STEVE You want ME to tweet about Benge getting a hit?

CHAD: Not just tweet. Thread.

STEVE: No thread!

LAUREN:  We could position it as the beginning of something.  Like green shoots at the start of spring. Growth!

STEVE:  The beginning of something? It’s the middle of nothing!

MR. MET slowly gives a thumbs up.

STEVE: Don’t encourage them!

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

ELAINE:  Who’s Benge?

JERRY: Benge?

ELAINE: Yeah. Steve just posted about him like he cured something.

JERRY: Oh, he’s that new rookie outfielder.

ELAINE: Any good?

JERRY: No, he’s awful.

ELAINE: Well he got a hit.

JERRY: That’s the problem. Now they’ll think he’s Babe Ruth.

ELAINE: They posted, “It begins.”

JERRY: It begins what? His batting average reaching .050?

ELAINE: There’s a whole thread. “The grind. The moment. The spark.”

JERRY: The spark?! It’s one hit!

ELAINE: People are arguing in the comments.

JERRY: About what?

ELAINE: Whether this is “the turning point.”

Door bursts open. KRAMER slides in.

KRAMER: Did you see this Benge kid?!

JERRY: You too?!

KRAMER: I’m all in.

JERRY: On what?!

KRAMER: Momentum, Jerry! You gotta recognize momentum early.

JERRY: It’s one hit!

KRAMER: That’s how it starts! One hit… then two… next thing you know—

JERRY: What?

KRAMER: Three!

JERRY: Three hits?!

KRAMER: It builds!

ELAINE: Steve posted Bichette doubled too.

KRAMER: I’m telling you, I’m getting in on the ground floor.

JERRY: I think you’re going to have to take the stairs from the basement to even get to the ground floor.

BUZZER. JERRY opens door. STEVE storms in.

STEVE: They made me do it.

JERRY: Do what?

STEVE: The Benge thing!

ELAINE: Why would you post that?!

STEVE: I didn’t want to! They said it was “a moment!”

JERRY: A moment?! It was a swing!

STEVE: Now people are tagging me!

ELAINE: Of course they are!

STEVE: They’re saying I’ve “lost the plot.”

JERRY: You tweeted the plot!

KRAMER: I liked it.

STEVE: You liked it?!

KRAMER: I felt something.

STEVE: You felt something?!

KRAMER: Hope.

JERRY: Hope?! From Benge?!

Another knock. NEWMAN enters, furious.

NEWMAN: I demand an explanation!

JERRY: Here we go.

NEWMAN: What is this propaganda?!

STEVE: It’s not propaganda!

NEWMAN: You’ve turned the franchise into a punchline!

STEVE: It’s one tweet!

NEWMAN: It’s never one tweet!

JERRY: He’s right. It was also a thread.

ELAINE: A terrible, terrible thread.

STEVE collapses onto the couch.

STEVE: All I wanted… was respect.

JERRY: You could have signed Yanamoto

ELAINE: Or Ohtani

NEWMAN: Or kept Nimmo

KRAMER: Or re-signed Alonso

STEVE: I had a plan!

JERRY: What was the plan?

STEVE: Flexibility!

ELAINE: Flexibility for what?

STEVE: For… options!

NEWMAN: Options?! You let Pete opt-out!!

KRAMER: I like flexibility. I once had a flexible chair.  It folded right under me.

JERRY: That’s your franchise. A folding chair.

STEVE: It’s not a folding chair!

ELAINE: It’s a recliner. You’re laying down.

NEWMAN: You’re horizontal!

STEVE: I am not horizontal!

KRAMER (leaning over him): You’re at least diagonal.

ELAINE: Diagonal’s dangerous. That’s how collapses start.

JERRY: No,  Elaine, I’m pretty sure collapses start with getting swept by Sacramento  and the Dodgers.