Media Tips For A-Rod For Spring Training

To:  Alex Rodriguez
Fr:  The Mets Police
Re:  What to do now

Dear Alex,

I’ve pulled together some suggestions for you as the Yankees head to spring training.

1.  Make sure you’re not on steroids.  I know that seems obvious, but heaven forbid you get caught again.

2.  Show up for camp early.   Get on a plane now and show up.   I see Jeter & Posada are already hanging around.   Be seen running laps and taking grounders.  Don’t be seen with Madonna or strippers.

3.  Have a press conference and answer every question you can, short of implicating others.  Nobody likes a snitch.   Stand there for 17 hours if that’s what it takes.

4.  If you have done steroids since 2003 admit it at that press conference.

5.  Ask Joe Girardi to play you as much as he can in the spring.   If he can give you nine innings without it messing up some younger player’s development then play nine.  Take the bus to some road games too and get used to the heckling.

6.  Learn to say “I’m sorry.”  No qualifiers.  Don’t try to halo yourself by using the “everyone else was doing it defense.”  Enough with “naive” and “stupid” and “culture.”   Things like “I was wrong” and “I let everyone down” go a long way.