Some predictions for 2022….
February. The lockout marches on.
March 15th, the lockout ends. MLB will play a 144 game schedule. Teams will just play the final 144 games of the original schedule and too bad if that’s unfair. Spring Training begins in three days.
March 27th: Jacob deGrom throws 100mph in Spring Training and the media fawns over it.
April 22nd: the Mets open the season at Arizona. Jacob deGrom pitches 8 innings of shutout ball but gets a no-decision as the Mets lose in teh bottom of the 9th.
April 24th: the Mets are swept in Arizona. The millennials start wondering if baseball has passed Buck Showalter by.
April 29th: On a rainy evening, the Mets unveil the Seaver statue at 6:30pm on a Friday before the replacement-home-opener night game. It is an underwhelming ceremony because of the circumstances. Brandon Nimmo has a good game and is greeted with “Let’s Go Brandon” cheers.
May 1st: Pete Alonso has yet to homer.
May 4th: Steve Cohen tweets joke about how he wouldn’t have hired Buck if he knew the team would start this slow.
March 5th: Pete and Lindor convince the Mets to wear black uniforms all the time at home.
May 6th: Pete Alonso homers twice at Philly and is declared to be “back” Wayne Randazzo does some math and extrapolates that Pete will hit 45 HRs.
May 13th: the Mets have won 7 straight, Jim Breuer starts attending Mets games with The 7 Line and posting daily videos on TikTok. Pete Alonso has homered in 4 out of the 5 last games.
May 20th: JDG is a late scratch at Colorado. The Mets claim this is normal and the beat nods and says yep its normal. The Mets are just being cautious because it’s 44 degrees at game time.
May 25th: the Mets skip JDG again. There’s an off-day tomorrow and this way he has a nice long rest before the divisional game against the Phillies. The beat just accepts that this makes sense.
May 27th: the Phillies get 3 runs off JDG in a five inning stint. Buck tells the media that they wanted to watch Jake’s pitch count tonight and the media just accepts this.
May 28th: on a rocking Saturday Night at Citi Field, the Mets come into the game having won 13 of 14. Everyone is singing Buck’s praises. Steve Cohen and Jim Breuer join the 7 line in the outfield. Max Scherzer throws a 124 pitch no-hitter and we all get t-shirts. Thing are great in Citi Field.
June 1st: Pete Alonso hasn’t homered since May 13th.
June 2nd: the Mets head off to the West Coast with a 5 game lead in the East. This road trip will take them to Los Angeles of Los Angeles, San Diego and then Anaheim of Los Angeles. Jacob deGrom is placed on the 10 day IL with tightness.
June 10th: The Mets have lost the first 6 games of the road trip and face Angels pitcher Noah Syndergaard who is 3-4 on the season but hands in a 7 inning gem as the Mets lose again.
June 11th: Mark Canha hits his 20th HR of the season. Scherzer hasn’t seemed sharp since the no-hitter.
June 21st: In Houston, Pete Alonso homers twice. Wayne Randazzo does some math and has Pete on pace to hit 45 HRs.
June 23rd: Adam Rubin tweets that he is hearing the Mets will IL Scherzer with shoulder soreness. The actual Mets beat enjoys the day off.
June 24th: the Mets place Max Scherzer on the IL with shoulder soreness.
July 1: the Mets are reeling, coming off a 7-18 June. Jim Breuer announces summer tour. Steve Cohen makes polar bear joke on twitter. Millennials suggest Buck isn’t using analytics correctly.
July 8th: Metallica sues the Mets for file-sharing some of their songs on a computer located at Citi Field. It turns out that it is Billy Eppler’s computer. He is suspended while the Mets investigate further.
July 11th: the Mets head to Atlanta two games back. Pete Alonso homers 5 times in the series. Wayne Randazzo does some math and has Pete on pace to hit 45 HRs. The Mets however do not have enough starting pitching and lose two of three and leave Atlanta three games back.
July 19th: Mark Canha is the sole Mets representative at the All Star Game.
July 25th: the Mets have swept the Padres out of the break and are about to play the Yankees who are 18 games behind in the AL East. There is talk of Taking Back New York.
July 27th: the Mets complete the two game sweep of the Yankees thanks to some big home runs by Pete Alonso. Wayne Randazzo does some math and has Pete on pace to hit 45 home runs. Jim Breuer posts a Tik-Tok for the first time in a few weeks. The Media fawns over Buck Showalter.
July 31st: the Mets acquire starting pitchers John Means and Wade Miley at the trade deadline. The Media fawns over Steve Cohen.
August 1st: word is that both deGrom and Scherzer’s rehabs are going great.
August 6th: acting General Manager Ben Zauzmer mentions that he enjoyed Dave Chappelle’s recent comedy special. After a backlash on social media, the Mets place Zauzmer on “administrative leave” pending a review. Sandy Alderson will be the acting General Manager until further notice.
August 7th: Pete Alonso has not homered since the Yankees series. Francisco Lindor is batting .227
August 19th: the Mets are 5 back of Atlanta and head to Philly and then Yankee stadium. Pete Alonso homers 7 times in the 5 games. Wayne Randazzo does some math and projects Pete will hit 45 HRs. Jacob deGrom pitches 100 mph in a rehab start. Things are looking up for the Mets!
August 23rd: Jim Breuer posts on Tik Tok for the first time since July.
August 24th: the Mets announce they are shutting deGrom down.
September 5th: the Mets get Scherzer back and are only two games in back of Atlanta. Their next four series are against the Pirates, Marlins, Cubs and Pirates.
September 18th: the Mets wrap up an awful two weeks, winning just 4 games against the Pirates, Marlins, Cubs and Pirates, despite Pete hitting 9 HRs in 12 games. The Mets are 6 games back. The millennials wonder if Buck Showalter even understands analytics. Mark Canha hits his 40th Home Run.
September 30th: the Mets head to Atlanta just three games back with three to play. John Means and Wade Miley win the first two games behind big HRs by Pete Alonso. Billy Eppler is proven innocent of the Metallica accusations as it turns out he works exclusively off his phone.
October 2nd: Max Scherzer takes the hill for the Mets who are one game back with one to play. He gets lit up as the lose 8-5 despite Pete Alonso’s two HRs. Pete finishes the season with 45 HRs, edging out Mark Canha’s 43. The Mets miss the expanded playoffs. Steve Cohen publishes a sarcastic tweet.